The post that I've been putting off

I am most comfortable looking to what lies ahead. I thrive on being in a constant state of flux, or at least I think I do. I like the journey better than the destination. Once I get to a milestone in my life (graduate from college, start a new job, have a baby, etc), I almost immediately begin looking to the next thing. I've begun to notice that this restlessness is stressful to the other people in my life, namely my husband. He is a live-in-the-same-house-your-whole-life, work-hard-at-a-place-you-love, wear-your-jeans-til-they-absolutely-fall-apart kind of guy. It's charming. I wish it would rub off me actually.

If I were honest with myself, I think it boils down to a matter of contentment. My friend Elizabeth spoke often of contentment while we were in college, and this is the passage she referenced-->


Philippians 4:11-13 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.


In true Megan form, I am restless right now. Restless for the perfect job with awesome hours, great pay, and low stress. Yet restless to spend more time with my children. Actually, I have begun to think that I want to stay home full time. Perhaps I've wanted to for a long time, but it's hard to admit this to myself (and even harder to post it online). I have always considered myself a career person, and the majority of my 28 years have been spent studying and practicing and working toward career-type goals. But then I met my boys and fell in love and now I just ache to be with them more than I ache to bring home a paycheck. I am scared of so many things that I associate with being a stay-at-home-mom--some real, some imagined. This is a complicated, emotional issue for me. I am still processing so many thoughts and feelings. I just thought I'd share.

♦