Thoughts on having multiple children

A friend of mine (can't link her 'cause she doesn't blog--gasp!) asked me this question recently: "How is two different than one?" At first I thought she was asking me to compare my boys, but then I realized she was getting at how having two kids was different than when we just had the one. I'm pretty sure she wasn't asking me to convince her to have a second or anything. It's just that I can't talk about how different it is without saying how much I love it.

My answer in short? it's crazy wonderful! I'm busy with at least one of them pretty much all the time, it takes us for-frickin-ever to get out of the house, the sheer amount of laundry each week is enough to make you wanna run screaming in the other direction (ohmigoodness, the poo alone. . .), I've had to master the nurse-your-baby-while-chasing-your-toddler-around-the-house maneuver, the diaper pail is always full (the poo, did I mention the poo?), it is rarely, if ever, quiet, I've seen every new Diego this season yet have missed just about all of "my" shows, sleep is a luxury that I'm always short on, and so many other inconveniences.

But, and this is a BIG but, I would never go back to the way it was before, even if I could. My heart is full to overflowing. I just love these boys!

This may sound a little nuts, but I'm going for it. I think one baby is harder than two sometimes because with only one it's just you and him to infinity. You play with him, you feed him, you, you, you. A second child means taking "you" out of the equation some--and that's a great thing! When you have "just the one," you are their sole source of interaction and entertainment; however, when you have an older sibling around, they play with each other!! You are still nearby ("Jackson, don't force that into his mouth, Honey; he'll chew on it if he wants to."), but it's an amazing thing to just observe and so good for the heart. Jackson "helps" me take care of Cooper. He'll go comfort him when he cries, "Dat's o-tay, Coo Coo" while rubbing his head, or he'll offer Cooper one of his toys to chew on. And he actually gets upset if I intervene in the process, but I have to tell him that sometimes Cooper is crying for milk and only Mommy has that. He relents eventually, though he's not happy about it :). Jackson is often very unselfish with his own food, but it's obviously a little early for that kind of sharing. I've had to remove many a solid bite of food from Cooper's reach, while trying to explain that "babies only eat milk" and that "food is for big boys."

That being said, I do admit a second child does add to your overall workload. However, it's not like you have to reinvent the wheel. You've already got your routines running smoothly. With the first, you're learning as you go, constantly making your little bundle the guinea pig in your parenting experiments, rushing them to the ER for a bump on the head (guilty:) and stressing over each new stage. With the second: you're golden, "let's do this" is your attitude, because you've already been through it before. Yes, every baby is different to some degree, but they're very much the same in a lot of ways too; and not just because of genetics and development either but because of YOU--your influence has a lot to do with what your babies come to expect and even their personality to a certain extent.

To sum up, my long answer is this: for me, it's busier most of the time, easier in some ways, and a blessing always to have two. It may not be for everybody, and I realize that finances and fertility issues can keep only-child families from adding to their numbers, which can be very painful when the desire to have more kids is there. However, if a couple wants more children but is hesitating because they're "just not sure" if they can handle it, let me just put your fears at ease: the work does not double with a second (not even close), but the return of love and joy is exponential.

♦