Got breastmilk?

As a breastfeeding mother, (it probably goes without saying that) I rarely feed my baby a bottle of milk personally. I do however provide, by pumping, what goes into his bottles that others (namely my husband) feed him while I am away.

I view breast pumping as an inconvenience, almost a necessary evil. There are many issues playing into this. (I'll refrain from actually counting them out because they spill over into one another--sorry for the pun.)

For starters, it's not that comfortable (not terrible, and I'm sure it's gotta be better than what it was twenty years ago, but I'd almost rather be doing anything else). You're exposed and cold, not to mention the, um, let's just call it "unique sensation" of being attached to the thing. By exposed, I don't mean exposed to others, at least not in my case (though I've sat through many a break where this mom I knew was pumping next to me), but finding a private place to avoid being exposed to others can also be a bit of a hassle.

Then, on the receiving end of the pumping is the issue of knowing how much milk Cooper will need when I'm away from him. (And I realize that my baby is like a million months old already, not to mention having already done this with my first, but better late than never in trying to figure all this out :). Short of weighing him on a gram scale like they use in the neonatal intensive care units before and after he eats, I just don't know how many ounces he takes while breastfeeding. To pump and put milk into a bottle means to guess at how much he will take in the future, whereas in breastfeeding I always have as much on hand (on tap? :) as he needs and wants right then, unless I have pumped just beforehand. I also realize that there's a good amount of trial and error in bottle feeding, and that you can kinda ballpark it pretty closely after a while, increasing as they demand more; but it's never quite the same amount each time, and if there's more in the bottle than he wants then it has to be poured out because it is contaminated. SOO not cool to have to waste it.

I like my sister's plan of adding an ounce to the bottle at a time until her baby seems satiated, but that requires having a ready supply of extra milk nearby. I usually have to freeze the milk that I pump because we typically only use it once a week when I work (since it's only good in the fridge for 5ish days), and therefore I'd have to thaw milk in order to have it handy. And the thawed milk needs to be used within 24 hours, so again we risk wasting it if we thaw too much.

Of course, there's the simple fact that I only have so much time to pump at work (it's a slower process, with lots more contraptions, than simply nursing my baby), mainly because of the fast-paced and gotta-do-it-now nature of caring for patients. Plus, one side is slower (makes less?) than the other for me, so I either need to stop when it does or continue pumping on just the better-producing side, essentially make the latter bigger and so on with this endless cycle; so the question is: do I sacrifice aesthetics for having sufficient amounts of milk, or do I let the weakest on the "team" rule how much I pump. I don't think there's a black & white answer here for me.

If I do pump into a bigger bottle on the good side, the problem becomes finding a safe way to store it (keep it chilled) because my pump bag and ice pack only accommodate 5 ounce bottles. I never know where I'll be working in the hospital on any given night, so I can't count on using a specific floor's fridge (and besides there are strict rules in hospitals about in which fridges breast milk can be stored--pretty much has to be a fridge solely used for storing milk, not medicine or food--and besides that most staff would prefer not seeing breast milk in the same fridge where they have their lunches).

Then, let me not forget to mention one of the more time-consuming parts of the whole pumping process: washing all the parts and bottles. With nursing, there is very little real "equipment" that you need at home, and only a little bit more than that to go out--depending on how "in public" and how modest you are. To pump with an electric pump, you need breast shields with the special valves (a tiny but incredibly useful part of the pump--so useful in fact that you might just drive all the way home to get said valves if you forget them or risk becoming uncomfortably engorged), bottles, caps, tubing, the pump itself, a plug for the cord (or batteries, though there's a far less powerful suction this way), something to carry the pump and bottles in (usually a small bottle bag is included within the larger pump bag), and I always need a burp cloth because pumping is a lot, um, drippier than nursing.

I realize that I COULD pump while I'm home to build up my supply, but the logistics of that are highly undesirable. To do so, I have to put the dog up, occupy the baby in some piece of equipment, keep Jackson distracted so he doesn't try to "help" me too much, plus there's the whole trying-to-time-it-in-between-nursing-sessions (too close to the last feeding, and it's not worth your time, too close to the next feeding and you end up using some if not all of what you pumped instead of nursing in order to have enough to satisfy). If I stay up to pump AFTER his last feeding, which usually occurs somewhere between ten and eleven, then I'd be up til 2am or so waiting for enough milk to come in. And if I get up BEFORE his first feeding, I'd have to be up by 4 or 5 to allow enough milk to be there when he wakes up to eat (anywhere between 6:30 to 8am). Let us not forget, more pumping means more washing of pump equipment. Baaaa!

And, yes, there's formula. Don't think we haven't tried it, pretty much all of it. The ready-made stuff that Cooper once ate when first born (in order to keep his blood sugar up until my milk came in) is no longer desirable to him. at all. The powdered stuff is palatable enough, but, oh the spit-up and the sheer frequency of it later, not even worth it.

Table foods are coming, slowly, but coming none the less. And juice hasn't been a big hit yet. Thus, breast milk it is, for now.

So, here we are. If you made it to this point: you are most likely (A) a breastfeeding mom like me (now or in the past) (B) a soon-to-be parent who might like a little glimpse into the world of nursing to see if it's for you or (C) in my family. Regardless, thanks for reading! And please, dear readers, do not worry for a moment that my dear son is failing to thrive. Far from it, as those who have seen him in person can attest. Somehow, there's always enough to keep him happy and healthy. Breastfeeding itself is very rewarding and sweet, though the song-and-dance of pumping does get pretty tiresome at times.

♦