One week and other things

Ella is one week old today. I can hardly believe it. Something about having a newborn is bittersweet to me; it's like she's a constant reminder of how quickly time passes and how much is already just a memory (holding her for the first time, the way she smelled after her first bath, the boys' first interactions with her). Makes me want to slow everything down and relish in these moments. Nevermind that I'm also thinking thoughts such as, "This is the last time I'll. . ." because I think we're "done."

There's such vulnerability, such honesty, such sweetness in everything Ella does. And the vulnerability especially makes me feel like wrapping her back up into myself and protecting her from this scary world. It doesn't help that we found out at her first doctor's appointment that she has two broken collar bones either; talk about heart-breaking! She doesn't seem too worse for wear over it, fortunately, nor do they seem to cause her much pain. It does however make nursing her a bit interesting. The newborn bring-my-hands-up-to-my-mouth-repeatedly-while-I'm-eating thing is harder to defend against when you can't pin her arms tightly into her blankets. But we manage just fine there too.

I wish I had words like my friend Amber to describe what happens in my heart each time Ella looks at me with those cross-eyes that little babies get when they try to focus, or when she yawns with abandon, or how she's immediately calmed when I pick her up, or that little bird mouth she makes as she realizes it's mealtime, and so many other little things. I guess, simply put (and I've said this before), I am in deep baby love, and it grows deeper all the time. I realize I'm being incredibly sappy, but I can hardly help it; blame it on the hormones or the sleeplessness or the pain-medicine haze if you must, but you mommas out there know what it's like.

Not that I want to jinx myself, but Ella has been quite a good sleeper once we got past the first couple of nights at home. I know that everything changes so quickly with new babies, and just when you think you've got their routine figured out they switch it up on you. But right now, she's going to bed between eleven or midnight or so, sleeping until about 4am and staying up for an hour or two to "cluster feed" before falling back asleep 'til 9 or later. I even think I'd be sufficiently rested if she were my only child or if the boys were able to sleep in. She also sleeps well throughout the day too. Oh, I've done it now. Surely, this sleep marathon will come to an end after such boasting :).

I'm really having fun dressing her each day in all these cute, girly outfits we've acquired so far. Being a tomboy myself, I didn't think I would get into this too much, but it's like I have my own, real-life doll! I've taken a ton of pictures, and all the while my guilt grows as I think about the paltry number of photos I took of Cooper's baby-ness. Not that I don't know what it's like to be a middle child. . . :)

I took Jackson to school today--my first major outing with everybody. It was strange to have three kids with me in the van, especially three of MY kids. But it was nice too, like our family is complete now. Ella certainly brings some much needed softness into the mix of my punchy, kicky boys.

I'm loving life right now, that's for sure. For as much as I thought I'd be stressed out and overwhelmed by taking care of three, I'm really just chillin' most of the time (again after the first couple of days back home as an adjustment period). Certainly, the most challenging thing that I'm dealing with right now is the increased feuding between Jackson and Cooper. I know it's no coincidence that it's been happening more since Ellie's come home. It's hard for me to know just how to address it, and I totally understand why we used to be told as kids to work it out on our own. It's just so exhausting to police them every two minutes all day long. And Cooper is usually the aggressor, if not the instigator, which is difficult to deal with because he's still not showing much comprehension when I attempt to correct him. I'm also trying to make sure that each of them have some one-on-one time with me at some point in the day because I gotta believe that much of their warring is thinly-veiled attention seeking behavior. I think it's paying off too; during our time together this evening, Jackson told me, "You're a good momma, not a stupid momma." Thanks, son, I think. :)

Oh, I wanted to share a non-kid picture I took a few days ago. This is a bud vase (did I get that right, Dad?) that my parents gave me when we brought Ella home. The sun was shining down on it just so, and I thought it was lovely.

♦