There's already so much resemblance. . .

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Love those toes! Ella at 6 weeks.

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It has to be said

Dear mother whose child came running at my baby with outstretched hand in the playroom at Mother's Day Out yesterday,

Please don't be offended that I gently had to ask your (roughly) 4 year old son to refrain from putting his hands all over my unsuspecting baby's face (twice, mind you, but who's counting?). It's nothing personal. It's just that, well, I don't know where he's been with those hands. And more than just the germ thing, he was really flailing that arm in a manner typically only reserved for patting down burly criminals. I'm surprised you didn't see that and stop him yourself.

And truly, it kinda IS the germ thing too. My baby is too young to be immunized against all kinds of serious illnesses, so I can't take any chances. I swear I'm not one of "those" moms or anything; I'm just trying to do what's best for my kids.

Thanks for understanding.

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The randomness keeps comin'

Did anyone else (particularly in my family) notice that not only do my kids have birthdays on subsequent days of the month--Cooper on March 14th, Ella on January 15th, Jackson on March 16th--but that I start this off with my birthday being December 13th? We're trying to keep things as simple to remember as possible around here :).

Anita's surgery went well. According to Anita's sister, the doctor thinks he got all the cancer!! This is a big praise. Thank you for your prayers. There's more battle to fight, though, so now let's pray that she will be declared in remission and stay there!!

I'll leave you with this funny story. Jackson's teacher at Mother's Day Out asked the kids what they would do if they were president and then wrote it down on for us. Jackson's answer? "Tell people not to hit the T.V." So he DOES hear us when we say this to him 50 times a day; we just weren't sure until now.

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Observations continued

(can you say late night introspection much?)

I forgot to mention yesterday, while listing the shows I currently watch, that I'm kind of into the Big Bang Theory too--Monday nights on CBS. It's not great, and the acting leaves a bit to be desired, but the over-the-top caricatures are fun to watch.

There's this new business that just opened near my sons' school, and I realized today that I'm already watching for the FOR RENT sign in the window, almost as though the building itself would put it there. Maybe Fayetteville NEEDS another hemp & tie-dye store, in order to keep up its "funky" quota and all, but I seriously doubt it.

I've noticed that I feel like everyone looks familiar to me lately--people I've never had the occasion to meet before. It's as though I've lived long enough that I've seen the finite number of faces there are in the world, and now they are being recycled. Maybe it's that I've figured out just how small and connected this world really is, and I see a common humanity in all of us. Or maybe I just need to get some sleep.

Conversely though, I wonder if people I haven't seen in a while recognize me and am sometimes surprised when they do. But then I realize that, apart from accessorizing with burp cloths these days, I really haven't changed much since junior high. At all. If you didn't know me then, you should just see the pictures.

Speaking of needing sleep, I giggled 'til I cried during several scenes while catching up on Scrubs on the TiVo last night. My favorite? Elliot, who is missing her boyfriend because he's out of town, waxes nostalgic about the chair Dr. Kelso (a man in his late 60s) is sitting in because that's where J.D. sat during their third date together. Kelso responds, dripping with deadpan sarcasm, "How romantic. I'll try to stop drilling farts into it."

I'm all about the high-brow comedy.

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Observations

I only ever check the mail early in the day on federal holidays. It's uncanny. And frustrating.

I've been trying for nearly five days to remember my favorite romantic comedy. All I have so far is a vague memory of knowing this a few years ago and that it most likely had Hugh Grant in it, or Julia Roberts, but oddly I somehow remember that it pre-dates (and therefore is not) Notting Hill.

The above is proof that: (1) My mind is slowly going. (2) I tend to fixate on especially inconsequential things--like my favorites give some insight into "who" I am or something.

I really like the new Idol judge, and I, along with most of America it seems, re-he-heally dislike Tatiana.

Speaking of reality shows, I'm pretty sure I'll tune in to Survivor this year (after a few years' hiatus) because I got sucked into the season premiere. I like the sergeant who recently returned from Afganistan; he's one to watch, I think.

Since I'm on a TV kick, I still watch Psych (love, LOVE this show), Scrubs, How I Met Your Mother (legen-wait for it-dary!), and Monk. I don't watch Grey's Anatomy anymore but only because I lost interest during the writer's strike and don't have the time to get back into it. I don't follow Lost these days either; I was never as committed as most who watch it and I don't do well to go years without understanding one.single.thing. about WHATTHEHECK is going on!! I let Heroes go by the wayside for both of the above reasons as well.

By default, I also (and almost exclusively) catch nearly everything Noggin offers at one time or another during the week as well as a lot of PBS kids and early-in-the-day Nick programming thrown in there too.

We've just canceled our subscription to digital cable and must now say goodbye to the aforementioned Noggin. I'm not sad. Not sure how to break the news to Jackson, though. He just might notice, unlike the painless phasing out of Sprout that occurred last summer.

I've become very intolerant of winter. I don't like being cold. I need more sunshine than that. And the kids have GOTTA get outside on a regular basis (for my sanity and theirs) without freezing their patooties off (and mine) in the process. Spring can't come soon enough.

I've started treating Cooper like a "big boy" now that I have another baby in the house. I guess I wasn't ready for him to not be My Baby until I had someone else to fill that role. Uh oh. I'm gonna need to work on that. . . :)

The boys have a drop-off playdate this morning (as in, I take them and leave them, only to return for them in a few hours. It is MAGICAL. So excited!), so I better be about the business of getting everyone ready.

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Sharing News for Two Dear Friends

First, my friend Bobbie had her baby this morning! I'm so excited for her and her family!! Baby Connor weighed 7 pounds, 2 ounces, which is just perfect. I can't wait to see pictures.

Second, my friend Anita, who has gone through the initial treatments of chemotherapy for breast cancer, is now having a lumpectomy and an axillary lymph node dissection tomorrow. Please pray for her!! She shared the following prayer requests on her blog:

1. Regarding the lumpectomy – I pray that the surgeon finds the tumor essentially gone or much reduced in size and is able to get clean margins.

2. Regarding the lymph node surgery – I pray that the pain afterwards is not as bad as I’ve been anticipating and the prescribed pain medication reduces the severity of any pain afterwards.

3. Finally, I pray that the recovery will go smoothly and that I won’t develop lymphedema anytime afterwards.

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This post corners like it's on rails

Whew! I am in hyper-nostalgia mode these days, and it is exhausting. Because I know that these babydays are so short-lived, I don't want to forget ANYthing. And I want to get it "right," you know? Take all the right pictures and write down all the new activities and tell the stories of the kids' interactions just so.

All the more, it makes me want to stay home 24/7 instead of working my one-shift-a-week (oh, how many times do I say that?!), so that I won't miss anything, or won't continue to feel like a weird hybrid-mommy-worker-person pulled in multiple directions. And immediately after I have those thoughts, this one follows: "Am I crazy?!" For one, work kind of anchors me in a way that I've come to depend on. I love nursing! It gives me a break and provides mental stimulation wholly different than I get at home. And it lets me miss my kids, only to reunite with them at the end of a long day. Such a sweet reunion, too; absence really DOES make the heart grow fonder. And for two, we need my income right now. More than ever, in fact.

But you know what? I don't have a death grip on needing-to-work anymore. It's amazing the transformation that has taken place in my head and my heart in order to make this so. The pride that I've let go of, the control I no longer need. (Or, as I said to a friend recently, this dying to self is killing me :)

I will certainly continue to work, if that's how He chooses to provide for us for now. But if He calls me to stay home full-time, I will trust in His plan for our family.

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4 weeks

Ella is four weeks old today. I've already noticed some changes in her appearance and behavior in these short weeks with her.

For one, her eyes are more alert and aware, and she doesn't have to cross them so much (if at all) to focus on things. Also, she's getting longer. I guess I knew that an increase in weight probably meant an increase in length too, but it's crazy to me how quickly she's added an inch or more to her frame. She does not fit into any of her newborn outfits now; even the sleeves are too short (by quite a lot) which tells me that her arms are also growing like weeds.

Sleep has been elusive at times, especially during the day, but I still think that Ellie's a better nighttime sleeper than either of the boys were at this age. She often remains next to me in our bed after her middle-of-the-night feedings (which Cooper did too, but woke EARLY) and will usually sleep straight through until after 8 a.m.

She maintains that wonderful baby smell, and I hope it is a long time before she loses it. Even Jackson noticed it and said, "she smells good," almost immediately after having her in his arms yesterday. He is a very loving brother to her, yet, at the same time, doesn't see the need to refrain from thumping Cooper on the head after even the slightest of offenses. *sigh* I pray frequently for a break in the feuding, so that I don't have to constantly police them; currently though, most of these breaks come only when one of them is asleep, unfortunately. At least I know that Jackson is CAPABLE of sibling love, even if he's not so able with his brother right now.

Tummy time is already becoming part of the vernacular in our house again. So far, Ella will last about five minutes or so on her belly before getting fussy and wanting to be turned back over. She can turn her head from side to side and even lift her face off the blanket slightly for a few seconds at a time.

I've made only a few trips out of the house with all three kids by myself so far, mostly to school and back. Ella seems to like car rides, as many babies do. She will usually calm considerably to ride in her seat, even if it is, by all accounts, time to eat. I did have to nurse her in the van while idling in the bookstore parking lot last week because it was quite clear that no other thing would do and home was at least 15 minutes up the road from there, but it was no big deal.

So that's our first month so far. I love you, baby girl!

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What makes a big boy

Jackson is trying to wrap his brain around how this baby thing works. I think it's hard for him to figure out that it's a stage of development that will change over time--and only goes in one direction. Once a baby, but never again, you know? He often asks us if he will be a baby again soon.

He also wonders when Ellie will start walking and talking. When we tell him it will be quite a while for that, he replies, "Oh. She will do it tomorrow?"

He has so much yet to understand; it's fun to observe as he tries to make sense of it all.

We just had this conversation, as he is lovingly and tenderly holding his baby sister in his arms.

Jackson: "Will I be a big boy for always?"
Me: "Yep."
J: "Is Ellie a baby right now?"
Me: "Yes. But she won't always be. Someday soon she'll be a big girl, just like you are a big boy."
J: "So, . . . she'll need chocolate milk?"

I guess we now know the main qualification for Big Boys. The lactose intolerant need not apply :).

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3 weeks and counting

Ella's umbilical cord stump finally fell off this morning. I'm kinda sentimental about things like that, usually, because it signifies that the babies are no longer so "new" and so on. But the cord stump had hung on a week longer than the expected 2 weeks, resulting in an extra week's worth of diaper changes that required folding down the tops (since she hasn't ever fit in the newborn size with its handy cord notch). So, I was kinda done with the stump. And now we can go about the business of "real" baths, too, which is nice.

About the sentimentality of it all, I told a friend earlier this week that newborns kinda make me sad. Not profoundly so and certainly that's not the only thing they make me feel, but there's a small amount of melancholy I go through because of how quickly these first few weeks seem to pass. It probably has a little bit to do with how soon the novelty wears off--everyone who has eagerly awaited the announcement goes on with life and soon, very soon, we moms go from being in "a delicate condition" to just-like-everyone-else so get back to work, you! It's the let down after the anticipation, like the day after graduation. And it's just a little sad.

But, with the passage of time also comes a bit of normalcy. And confidence. And as the boys adapt to the addition of their baby sister in our family, many, many sweet moments too!

Jackson has continued to say some pretty funny things lately. I think I've mentioned that he and Cooper have been more antagonistic with each other, and it has resulted in my having to intervene before things deteriorate into all-out physical brawls. Over Christmas break, I told Jackson not to kick his brother, to which he defended, "I'm not. I'm just loving him with my feet." Then yesterday, Jackson was hitting Cooper with his blanket, and it was causing Cooper to cry. I told J to stop it, and he said, "But I'm not. I'm just loving him on his back." You've got a funny way of showing it, kid.

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Wishing your day. . .

was as laid back and carefree.

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Why does this all feel so foreign to me?

I swear, it's like I've never done this before or something. Caring for a newborn again makes me wonder what I ever did with my previous two.

There's a constant stream of questions in my head and I am frequently attempting to tap into my memory banks in order to remember how I dealt with the needs of the boys as babies.

Questions like:
Do I hold her until she goes to sleep and only then put her down?
And if she DOES fall asleep in my arms, how long should I wait before transferring her to her bed so I don't wake her up?
Or can I put her to bed (changed and fed but) awake at this age?
Should I change her diaper before I feed her because it's probably already dirty, or should/can I wait until afterward to catch the inevitable pooh-during-feeding phenomenon in the same diaper?
And in the middle of the night, do I change her before, inbetween, or after the feeding?
Then I'm always wondering if I'm feeding her enough or too much and if she's sufficiently burped. And of course, I wish I could predict just how long she might sleep because then I could either dig into a project around here or take a nap myself.

I still remember quite a bit more than I've forgotten, I think. Or at least I feel very comfortable in my role of mother to a newborn--even with all these questions. It feels good to carry her around, and change her, and dress her, and nurse her; like I've been doing this all my life and was made for this.

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Ella pics on Facebook

Click here

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Twitter-style summary of yesterday's events

(as in, each paragraph has approx. 140 characters)

I did manage to take my kids to MDO yesterday a.m. I had strongly considered having them play hookie, but I'm glad we made it.

Even if we WERE more than an hour late. Baby has to eat when she has to eat. Trashmen come early. None of us were dressed. Lunches 2B made.

I languished in front of computer for a while during my "alone" time, checking on my internets. Miss you all. But then I made a to do list.

And found spark of energy in the process. Almost, almost got Christmas tree down. Did manage to arrange carseats in van like I wanted them.

Took all 3 kids to bookstore yesterday. Thought I was doing pretty good 'til more than one staffer offered to help carry "stuff" for me.

Treated us to Chik-fil-A shakes afterward. (they're so GOOD!) Slurped on them in parking lot while feeding hungry baby. Couldn't wait.

I went to mailbox, after we got home, w/hands folded across my belly like I did when I was pregnant. I'm going to have to work on that.

I fed the boys last night, then actually made food for myself (often I just snack). They came like vultures and ate from my plate too.

Everybody to bed at resonable hour. Well except me, but baby girl fell asleep in arms just B4 11pm and I was already into Psych on TiVo.

Bed around midnight. Girl up w/in an hour to nurse. Slept next to me afterward. Didn't wake again 'til 6. Me back 2 sleep 'til 830!

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Pictures from "Ice Storm 2009"

(that's what the news people are calling it anyway)

The power pole behind our house, and probably the reason we didn't have power until this was fixed.


The property that adjoins our backyard to the north.


The birch tree in our side yard, bent but not broken.


The backyard.


This tree is also on the property to the north of us. Glad it didn't break any more than this because it certainly could have done some major damage.



If you follow me on Twitter (and facebook), you already know that we were without power for four days in the aftermath of a major ice storm. It's the worst I've personally ever seen, and I consider us very blessed to have come through it without incident. We stayed with my parents from Monday to Saturday; only returning home at 10pm last night. Our doggie even stayed "in" their house because we brought his crate, which if you know my mother's policy about indoor dogs then you know that this is a major step for her :).

I know that some are without power even now, and many will be recovering from the damage for a long time--especially those who had trees fall into their homes, and my heart goes out to them. A friend of mine is organizing some clean-up efforts, and as I get more information, I will pass it along.

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