I think I'm going to have to start using the voice memos feature on my phone, so that throughout the day I can record all the moments of brilliance or hilarity as they happen, and therefore I won't forget my entire self and everything I ever wanted to write about on the blog by the time I finally sit down to tap it out in the quiet moments of a too-late-evening. By which time I must resort to just piecemeal-ing a post together from scraps of memory and perhaps throw in a picture or two, and hope it'll pass inspection.
It reminds me of the funny song by Tenacious D called "Tribute."
*a slightly random reference wherein I reveal my weird sense of humor in all its glory to my unsuspecting extended family.*
For some context to those who are unfamiliar, here are a few of the lyrics:
"This is not The Greatest Song in the World, no.
This is just a tribute.
Couldn't remember The Greatest Song in the World, no, no.
This is a tribute, oh, to The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was the best [blankablankin] song, the greatest song in the world.
[2-part skat]
[Spoken]
And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
the song we sang on that fateful night it didn't actually sound
anything like this song"
----------------------------------
Clearly, I digress.
Anyway, I think I sat down to write about turning corners. Or regaining perspective. Or something.
But first some background.
I used to be an incredibly laid back person. If you didn't know me back then, you might be shocked to hear me say that, but as a teenager and younger, things just didn't ever get to me that much. I have a feeling it had a lot to do with how little responsibility I had and how trusting I was that everything would work out, but I can't be for sure. (I still have most of my optimism intact, but I have had my share of disappointments and heartbreaks since then and have lost a bit of the pie-in-the-sky outlook of my youth. Which has yielded to a more robust faith that does not (always) lose hope in the face of undesirable circumstances, so it's not all bad.)
One thing that really cramped my laidback style is having children. These multiple little kids with their stubbornness and immaturity and messiness and loudness. . .it just gets to be too much sometimes. And I lose perspective on how being a mother is supposed to be filled with joy and rainbows. I mean, I still know this on an intellectual level, but, in the throes of it all, I do not always feel it.
See, it's easy to be happy-go-lucky without any challenge. But when things get down right hard, and the kids are waking up their sister with their loud voices again, or fighting for the umpteenth time (a phrase pulled straight from my mother's mouth), or the baby is crying because I finally just put her down after carrying her so long I'm convinced my arm will never be the same--when those stresses add up, I tend to get overloaded. And often have felt justified in whatever reaction bubbles up to the surface.
In the last couple of days and weeks, though, I have really been focusing on choosing joy regardless of the chaos, and even because of it at times. I can't always control my children, but I can choose how to respond to their childishness. I can train them instead of shame them. I can speak lovingly instead of harshly. I can praise God that I have my hands full because my heart is also full. I can pray for patience and wisdom. I can admit my failures to my kids and ask them for forgiveness. I can encourage excellence without expecting perfection. And all the while, I can breathe and not feel overwhelmed.
This transformation is far from complete, mind you, but I've seen evidence of it coming for a while now. There is a verse that I learned long ago in my carefree days that came to the forefront of my mind three months ago and has remained there. Though the verse does not expressly talk about parenting, I just felt like God wanted me to think on it every time I speak to my children and allow it to inform my word choices.
Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."♦
