The Terrible Threes

It has been my experience that two year-old children are a breeze, whereas three-year-olds are very challenging for me. I would have never anticipated it as such because I had interacted with 3's before, and they are just so darn cute and funny! (cute--yes, funny--absolutely, total handfuls--sad but true) And once we got through what was supposed to be a "terrible" 2-year-old phase with each of my boys, I thought we were in the clear. Which is why I felt very ill-prepared to handle the willful disobedience that both my boys began exhibiting as three-year-olds; more unprepared with the oldest of course, but I was still holding on the the sliver of hope that Coop would be different and it turns out he's even more strong-willed and therefore less likely to obey than Jackson was at the same age--at least that is the way I perceive it.

There is little that motivates Cooper to make the right choice in the throes of a bad decision. The more urgent the situation and therefore the less time I have to instruct him, the less likely he is to listen to me. For example, he runs everywhere, including right out into the street, without a moment's hesitation. If I am saying, "Cooper, stop! Don't run out into the road! Hear my voice, what am I saying to you?", he ignores most of it until I catch up with him and bodily stop him by grabbing onto his arm--which he dislikes greatly, often fighting to release himself from my grasp. Chasing after him is not always very easy to do because I often have Ella strapped to my chest and cannot move as fast as he can. Afterward, I try to help him understand the gravity of the situation and why we have the rules we have, but I get the distinct impression that he either does not care to hear it and/or much of it goes over his head. If I do get through to him, he cries rather inconsolably because he thinks I'm "mad" at him, which crushes his little spirit. Then, there is little that is retained from offense to offense, so I have to reinvent the wheel each time he does the exact same thing. I do try to tell him before we go outside what I expect from him and why, but it does little good. He seems to have the attitude of "I'm gonna do what I want, when I want, how I want, and don't care what anyone else has to say."

I know that he is young and realize that he is not going to be able to obey perfectly or retain everything from previous discipline he's received and what the rules are without being reminded, but I do think it is reasonable to expect him to choose to obey and understand why there are consequences when he doesn't. I'm just not sure how to get us there.

Parents out there, how do you discipline your three-year-old kids (or how have you in the past)? Teachers, child development experts, and anyone else who thinks he/she has some insight, feel free to share it.

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