Cousin Stella Update

Sometimes, my heart is filled with such heaviness that I can hardly be distracted by anything else. I want life to be fair and sane and predictable, and for as often as it has proven not to be, I still hold out hope for the next time. I want there to be a limit to the suffering any one person must endure, yet I have yet to be witness to it. I think that's what makes Jesus so appealing to me. He never promised this life would be easy; in fact he said quite the opposite: "In this world, you will have trouble." I would have a hard time putting my faith in a god who says otherwise because, often, everything is NOT okay, and refusing to acknowledge how difficult this life can be is intellectually dishonest and leaves people feeling tricked.

That being said, Stella, our 2 year old cousin, is no doubt in a life or death battle against this apparently very aggressive, malignant brain tumor she has. The family received bad news yesterday that the tumor is spreading faster than anyone expected and that the chemotherapy will have to be started sooner than later to give her the best chance for survival. It is risky because she is still recovering from shunt surgery, but they are running out of time.

Stella, whose parents have already endured so much heartache in the loss of their infant daughter Charlotte 4 years ago; Stella, whose 7-year-old brother Davis has had more than his fair share of exposure to death and dying. Why, why this family? Why can't this cup pass from them? No one should have to be strong even once in the face of the uncertainty of whether their child will make it, and now here they are a second time. There are no easy answers. There are no magical words. There are no guaranteed happy endings. But there is still hope. And as Amanda (Stella's mom) says, there is still today. There is still prayer. God is still who he was yesterday, and while I will never understand these things in this life, I will trust & I will pray.

If you'd like to follow her story, Stella's caringbridge page is here: www.caringbridge.org/visit/stellamulhearn

♦